Love Me Tender
by The Joker XD
Summary: Gibbs has to tell Abby.
1. There are some things you must confess

Gibbs stared down at the top of Abby's head. He was lost in his thoughts and she was lost in one of her rants.

'I love her voice,' he thought, 'Oh, god, what am I thinking,'

He continued to stare down at her. He was standing behind her in the lab with his hands on the back of her chair.

'I love her, in general,' he thought again, 'Stop it, Jethro, no matter how you feel she'll never love you back. You don't deserve her,'

A voice that seemed to speak straight out of his heart, 'You have to tell her, she deserves to know."

'I can't tell her,' he argued with himself.

'You have too. You love her so much that it's keeping you from even listening to what it is she's saying right now about a case!' the voice chimed back.

'What's the point of telling someone of my unrequited love?'

'You don't know that Jethro, she could love you,'

'I don't deserve her. Look at her, she's perfect. Her skin is so soft and smooth and her eyes are so bright and beautiful…No, I don't deserve her,"

'It's Christmas Eve, Jethro, ask her out to dinner,' the voice disappeared.

"It's Christmas Eve…" Gibbs said softly.

"Uh, yes?" Abby spun around to face him, "Were you even listening to anything I just said?"

"No…Abby…I," he stammered, avoiding her gaze.

"Gibbs? Are you okay?" She was concerned now.

"Abby…I…I need to talk to you," he said softly and seriously.

"Okay, talk," She said.

"Not here. Definitely not here."

"Okay, where do you want to talk, boss man?"

"Will…will you join me for dinner tonight?" He asked awkwardly.

"Yes, I didn't have anything else exciting to do tonight, except party…" she said.

Jethro was lost in his thoughts again, "You don't have to come if you don't want to Abby, I'll understand."

"Gibbs, I'm coming, what time are you going to pick me up?"

"Seven." He said and spun away from Abby and dashed upstairs.

"Go home, Merry Christmas, good night," he mumbled to his workers and basically fled the building.


	2. The moments that take your breath away

When he got to his house he showered and changed. He slipped into a black dress shirt and matching black dress pants. He pulled up his black dress socks and tied his shiny black dress shoes. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed Abby, as he glared at his numerous and seldom used collection of ties.

"Abby? What color are you wearing tonight?"

"Uhhh, red, why?"

"Nevermind," he hung up and pulled his red tie.

"Cheesy, Jethro, real cheesy," he said.

He looked at the clock. It was already six-thirty. His heart began to race. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and flattened his silver hair with his hand.

"Relax, relax," he tried to calm his breathing, "I mean, hell, you're only about to tell the woman you love that you love her,"

He looked himself over one last time, "At least you'll look good doing it," he sighed.

He pulled into Abby's driveway and walked up to her front door. It was freezing and it was snowing pretty heavily. Abby answered and invited him in quickly.

Gibbs stared at her. She looked beautiful. Her black hair was let down and it was flowing gracefully over her shoulders. Her pale skin was beautifully accented by the red dress and the dress...the dress was amazing.

"Nice tie, Gibbs,"

After regaining control over his fluttering heart he smiled, "Thank you, Abbs, you don't look too shabby yourself."

Jethro helped her with her coat and escorted her to his car and helped her in the passenger's side.

He paused slightly before he opened his door, "What are you doing, Jethro?" He whispered to the falling snow and got into the car.

"Where too, Gibbs?" Abby asked innocently.

"Symphonia."

"Gibbs! That's like a two hundred dollar check! I didn't bring half that much!" Abby protested.

"That's good since you're not paying," He said sarcastically.

"Isn't there dancing at Symphonia?"

"Yes," Gibbs mumbled.

"Will you save a dance for me?" Abby chuckled.

"If I dance, I will dance only with you," He half smiled.


	3. Losing you is like losing my heart

After they were seated in the restaurant Abby began to stare down Jethro.

"Why are you staring at me, Abby?" He shifted his eyes uncomfortably.

"I'm just wondering what it is you could have to talk to me about. I'm worried about you, Gibbs," she studied his face.

"That makes two of us," he mumbled as the waiter approached their table.

He was about 5'8 with bright blue eyes and blonde hair, "Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'll have a glass of your best wine, please," Abby smiled up at him.

"Alright, and for you, sir?" The waiter turned to him.

"Just a water please," Gibbs nodded his head.

The waiter walked away and Abby looked at him, "No wine?"

"My stomach's a little upset, Abby," he glared at her suspicion.

Gibbs picked at his meal as Abby's suspicion rose rapidly. He was shifting uncomfortably when the bill arrived. He paid for it and then stared at her.

He sighed and looked down at the table.

"Gibbs, seriously, talking would generally be done over dinner," Abby said, growing slightly irritated.

A slow piano solo played out over the speakers of the restaurant, "May I have this dance?" his voice shook.

Abby smiled and walked to the dance floor with him.

Gibbs held up his right hand. It was shaking. Abby stared at it, growing all the more concerned, and she placed her left hand in his and he wrapped his left arm around her and placed his shaking palm in the small of her back. Her right arm hung loosely over his left with her hand on his shoulder.

"Gibbs…" She attempted to make eye contact.

"Please, Abby, don't pry. I'm trying, here. Please, let me do this at my own pace," he said barely meeting her gaze.

He pulled her closer so that she couldn't directly look at him. His mouth was by her ear.

"Abby, there is something I've been meaning to tell you for years now. I just never thought I would ever muster enough courage to actually say it. But, now, I cannot focus. I need to say it. I need to tell you," his breathing became uneven and his heart began to race.

"Abby, I…I….I love you. I'm in love with you," he closed his eyes tight and hung his head as she pulled away from him.

When he opened his eyes, his heart shattered as he saw her looking at the floor. She was completely silent.

"I'll….I'll take you home now, Abby," his voice cracked with heartbreak.

The ride home was awkward and silent. Jethro had no idea what to say and he had no idea what was going through Abby's mind. It was probably the same thought going through his. He is too old. He is much too old.

Gibbs pulled into her driveway and walked her to her door in silence.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as she opened her door.

She looked at him quickly, "Thank you for dinner, Gibbs,"

He felt the knot in his throat tighten. He spun on his heel and practically ran to his car. Jethro sped home, not caring how bad the roads were. If he wrecked and he died he wouldn't even mind.


	4. Tears are words the heart can't say

Once at home Jethro slammed his hands into the wall. He threw himself onto his couch and held his head in his hands. He cried for almost a half an hour straight before someone knocked on his door.

"Damn it," he hissed and wiped his eyes.

"Who's there?" He asked angrily as he approached the door.

"Jethro, it's Ducky,"

"Now's a bad time, Ducky," Jethro yelled.

"No, now's a perfectly good time, Jethro, open the door!"

Jethro flung open the door. Ducky stared at him, "What do you want, Ducky?"

Ducky's eyes saddened when they reached Jethro's bloodshot blue eyes.

Ducky let himself into Jethro's home. Jethro walked briskly back to the couch and sat down. He resumed his position with his head in his hands. Ducky sat next to him quietly.

"What happened, Jethro?" He asked soothingly.

Jethro made a whining noise, "Why are you here, Ducky?"

"Abby called. She was very upset and she sounded very confused. She asked me to check in on you. She said you were probably not holding up so well. She was right, my boy, what is wrong?"

"I…I told her," Jethro squeaked.

"You told Abby that you love her?" Ducky was shocked.

Jethro nodded and the tears flowed harder.

"And I'm assuming it didn't go well?" He sounded even more surprised.

"No, it went fantastic, Ducky. That's why I'm sitting on my couch crying like a girl…" Jethro spat.

"That's surprising…" Ducky whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Abby loves you Jethro."

"No, she doesn't. It makes me sick to think that I love her. She's too young for me. I'm a freak. I'm a freak. I'm disgusting…" He cried.

"Jethro! You are a wonderful man. You love a wonderful woman."

"No, I love someone practically young enough to be my daughter…" He whispered.

"Jethro…I haven't seen this look in your eyes since you were with Shannon. You've never looked at another woman like this until Abby. You didn't love your other wives, did you Jethro?"

"I tried…" he breathed.

"But you love Abby, you can't change it."

"It makes me sick, Doctor; it makes me sick to my stomach. Even my heart feels sick when I think about it. It's not right. She has every reason to hate me," Jethro slumped a little farther into the couch.

"I did not think it would go over like this, Jethro,"

"What do you mean?"

"I could have sworn Abby was in love with you. This reaction is so unlike her."

"She…was completely silent. It's like every single word she had ever learned was forgotten…" he sighed.

"Jethro, you need to get some rest. I'm going to go over to Abby's now, alright? You get into bed and don't you think about doing anything stupid," Ducky warned, glaring at Jethro.

Jethro jerked his head and Ducky left his house. Jethro slept through almost all of Christmas day and he had just arrived at work on December 26th. He stopped as he got out of his car. He put his forehead on the door and sighed heavily. His decision was made.


	5. Some wounds are just too deep

He walked into his office and all eyes were on him. Abby was standing by his desk. His heart sank. Her face was very somber.

He approached his desk, "What are you staring at?" he barked at McGee.

"Gibbs, we need to talk," Abby whispered, but everyone could hear her.

"No. I need to talk and you, all of you, need to listen," he snapped, not making eye contact with her.

"Abby, you will have your chance to yell, scream, and hit me when I'm finished saying what I have to say. I am leaving. I don't know where I'm going but I'm going far, far away from here, away from Abby. Yes, I love her. I am so in love with her. I can't change this, no matter how wrong it is, no matter how sick it makes me look, no matter how much I wish I could take it all back…I cannot change it. It is wrong for me to love her and all of you have every single right to hate me and so, I am leaving," Jethro's eyes never wavered from the floor.

"Gibbs…" Abby's voice was shaking.

He looked up at her with pure pain in his eyes, "I am so sorry for everything I have put you through. But, you don't have to worry anymore Abigail. I will never bother you again. You see, I love you unconditionally and more than anyone thought possible. I can't stop loving you but I can stop myself from seeing you, to ease your pain. I am…so, so sorry," a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"Boss…" Tony's voice cracked.

"DiNozzo, you're in charge."

"Boss…" his voice cracked again and he approached him.

Gibbs placed his right hand on Tony's right shoulder, "Boss, will you please look at Abby?"

Gibbs closed his eyes slowly and turned to face Abby.

"Gibbs…" tears were streaming down her face, the sight broke his heart.

He approached her, "Please, Abby, stop crying. I'm sorry. I can't fix it, I'm sorry!"

Abby looked up at him and wiped her eyes and Gibbs nodded and turned on his heel and strode off towards the elevator. The elevator doors opened and he held it open with his hand briefly.

"Gibbs!" Abby's voice cried out as she ran towards him.

He let go of the elevator and it closed shut without him in it. Abby slammed her body onto his, embracing him in a strangling hug. Gibbs wanted so badly to wrap his arms around her and never let her go but he didn't.

"Kiss me, Gibbs," she commanded as she pulled away to look him in the eyes.

"No."

"Kiss me!"

"Abby! Don't do that to me! Don't tease me like that! My heart is already in a thousand pieces… I don't need to know what it's like to kiss you and then have to walk away," he looked away.

"Then don't walk away, Jethro…" her voice was barely audible.

He looked at her and studied her face, "You don't love me."

"I do love you," she whispered.

"No, you're saying this because you don't want me to leave again…" he shook his head.

"No, I'm saying this because I love you," her voice was firm and she stepped closer to him, her face nearly brushing his lips.

Every cell in his body ached to touch her. He lifted his face towards the ceiling trying to regain control of himself, "Don't do this to me. I've suffered years of hurting, of longing, of grief. I broke hearts because I couldn't satisfy my own broken heart. Now, I've found you and I can't have you. Don't lie to me," his breathing was uneven as he felt her warm breath rhythmically brush his neck.


	6. The mask sheds with the tears

She placed her hands on his hips and pulled him even closer to her. His heart was pounding, this is what he wanted. No. No. He can't.

"Abby, stop," he pushed away from her.

She cried now, even harder.

"Abby, if you love me, YOU kiss ME," he whispered.

She looked up at him, a glint of hope in her eyes.

"If you love me, you kiss me until I lose all of my resolve and kiss you back. If you lie to me, I will be able to tell. A kiss is a polygraph, Abby," he whispered dangerously.

Abby took his face in her hands and stroked his cheeks lovingly with her cold fingers. She saw the love in his eyes. It had always been there she had just chosen not to see it. He stared her down as she moved closer to his lips, hovering just mere centimeters from his. He was breathing heavily now. He let out a small whimper and he felt her move forward.

He pushed away, guarded his face, and backed against the elevator door.

The room's atmosphere was heavy and afraid, "Please, don't do it to me, Abby. I don't want to know if you're lying. I don't want to know if you're telling the truth. I haven't kissed someone or been kissed by someone that means this much to me since Shannon. Please, don't do that to me…"

Tony moved swiftly and grabbed Gibbs and twisted his arms around his back, "Abby, you have to do it now or he's going to run. He's going to run and you'll never get him back!"

Abby's eyes filled with tears as Gibbs pleaded to be let go.

"Abby, you have to kiss him now! You have to break him!"

Abby grabbed his face in her hands roughly and he shook his head to try to break away from her but he couldn't. There were tears running wildly down his face.

"I love you Jethro," she said and she crushed her lips against his

He bucked wildly against Tony and Tony slammed himself back against the elevator and regained control over Gibbs. Abby kissed him again and she held his face tightly so that he couldn't move it.

Her kiss was soft and passionate and timid. Gibbs was shaking in Tony's grip, his resolve was crumbling. He fell to his knees and Tony got down on his knees behind him, not letting go of his wrists. Abby continued to kiss him. Gibbs collapsed, his entire body fell limp and Tony let go of him. He knew he wasn't going anywhere now. Tony stepped cautiously away from Gibbs and Gibbs slid himself away from Abby so that his back was against the door again.


	7. It's more like body break

"Jethro?" Ducky asked cautiously.

He sat silently as tears streamed down his face. He was so weak and so exposed. He shook his head.

"Jethro?" He approached him.

Gibbs shot up, his face red and eyes watering uncontrollably. He glared at Tony. If looks could kill, Tony would be dead a thousand times over.

"I don't want this! This isn't what I want!" He growled and shot a horrified look at Abby.

"I…" She breathed but he had already slammed the elevator button.

Tony rushed into the elevator with him bravely. Gibbs eyes were venomous, "If you think you're going to apologize, DiNozzo. I ought to hit you so hard that by the time you wake up you'll need a hair cut!"

The doors shut, "Boss, you love Abby,"

"I don't know why they call it heartbreak! It feels like every single bone in my body is broken! " He said with finality.

"Where are you going?"

"I would tell you that except you'd probably have me tied to a chair encouraging someone to rape me," he spat at Tony as he got into his car and sped off.

Tony DiNozzo walked into the office back to his colleagues in defeat. He walked in slowly and Abby rushed to him.

"Where is he?"

"He…he really loves you Abby. All this time and nobody ever knew. He was always there for us and he always knew about our lives. We never knew anything about him," Tony said softly as he kept sat down in the chair at his desk.

"Where is he?" She asked again, growing impatient.

"I don't know, Abby," Tony whispered.

"I know where he is. Well, where he is going, at least," Ducky said quietly.

"Where?" Abby spun on her heel.

"A beach house," he said.

"What am I supposed to do Ducky?" She cried.

"Win his heart, love," he said soothingly.

"Are you going to get him, Ducky?" She asked softly.

"No, my dear, do you think it's my face he wants showing up at his door?" He shook his head.

"What am I supposed to do?! What am I supposed to say to him?"

"I can't answer that, Abby," he whispered and hugged her.

"Nothing I can say can just fix it. There's nothing I can say that will make him stop hurting. I just want him to come back to NCIS. That's where I want to start. Maybe I can't convince him right away that I love him, but maybe I can convince him to come back. That'd be a start right?" She rambled when nervous.

"Yes, that would be a start…" Ducky said as he scribbled down the address of the beach house.

"I'll be driving all night…" Abby said as she rushed out of the building.


	8. I will stand by you

Abby's road weary eyes looked suspiciously at the door in front of her. It was the correct address and Gibbs' car was parked in the driveway. She breathed in deeply and knocked.

Nobody answered so she knocked again, harder.

The door swung open and an angry Gibbs looked at her. His eyes grew wide with shock. His face softened a bit, but barely.

"Gibbs…I…" she looked at him helplessly.

He stepped out onto the front porch and shut the door behind him.

"Can…can we take a walk?" Abby asked carefully.

He didn't speak, but he gave a curt nod and he stepped out onto the sandy beach in his bare feet. He was wearing khaki shorts and a grey t-shirt. Abby slipped off her shoes and followed him.

"Jethro…I want you to come back to NCIS," she looked at him and he gave no reaction.

They walked in silence for a bit until Abby mustered enough courage to reach out and attempt to lace her fingers in his. He jerked away and kept walking. She grabbed his wrist and yanked him around to face her. She held his wrists in her hands as he stared blankly into her eyes.

"I am sorry, Jethro. There is nothing I can say to fix this quickly. There is seemingly nothing I can do. You want me to kiss you but you don't want to kiss me. You want to hug me but you don't want to hug me. You want to love me but you don't want to love me. You want me to love you but you don't want me to love you," she looked at him sadly.

He raised his eyebrows slightly and she continued, "Maybe you don't know what you want, but I know what I want. I was scared before. That's why I freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I was so afraid I was just going to be another notch on your belt. I was so afraid of commitment. I don't know what you want but I want you. I want you, all of you, for the rest of my life. If I can't have that, then I still want you to come back to NCIS. I want you to come back home," she said.

He continued to look at her but still, he said nothing.

"I know there are so many things I don't know about you. I know that you have been badly broken and I know that I just broke your heart. It kills me, Jethro, it honestly does. But the wounds you won't let me see will be the hardest ones for me to try and heal…"

"Have you ever been hurt so badly you think it will never end but it eventually starts to heal? To finally scar?" He whispered.

"Yes," she breathed.

"Have you ever had that scar torn open again and again?"

"No," she said as her eyes began to water.

"That's what happens every time I look at you. There is nothing about me that deserves you. I deserve to sit here in my misery with my bleeding heart. You don't want to be with me Abby," he said.

"I don't see why you can't just accept me, Jethro," Abby said pleadingly.

"I want so badly to accept you Abby. I want to hug you and never let you go. I want to stand here with you forever. But life isn't rainbows and butterflies and a life with me certainly wouldn't be anything near that," he said plainly.

"Maybe I don't want rainbows and butterflies. Look at me; do I look like a rainbows and butterflies kind of girl? To be completely honest, I would rather spend the rest of my life in hell with you than with anyone else,"

"Abby, you don't mean that. You don't know what you are saying."

"I know exactly what I'm saying."

Gibbs held up his hands, "These hands have killed. This mouth has torn out people's hearts and souls with just mere words. These eyes have seen horrible things. These legs have run from problems for years. These arms have failed to protect my family. This heart….this heart beats in a million pieces."

Abby placed her hands on his face and stroked away his tears with her thumbs, "These hands will wipe all your pain away. This mouth will kiss you in your darkest hour. These eyes will watch as you heal and grow in love again. These legs will chase after you when you run. These arms will hold you when you fail. This heart will love you until the end of time."

Jethro pulled his hands up and wrapped them around her wrists, "Abby, you have no idea what you're getting into…" He said as he walked towards his car.

"Where are you going?" She called.

"Back to work!" He yelled over his shoulder.


	9. He's only scared because he cares

Gibbs strode bravely back into his office two days after the beach house talk with Abby. It was now December 30th. Everyone turned to stare at him. Their jaws dropped in amazement.

Gibbs walked briskly and proudly over to his desk just as he always had done. He sipped his coffee in silence while all eyes were on him.

He popped a breath mint just as Abby walked onto the scene from her lab. She reported her findings about a case Gibbs cared nothing about and knew nothing about.

He asked her several questions, she answered awkwardly and she turned to return to her lab, "One more thing…" he said and she stopped.

He spun her around and hugged her. It was an awkward hug. She wasn't expecting it so her arms were at her sides. The hug was, actually, very VERY awkward. It was as if they'd never hugged before. His face wasn't pressed towards hers; it was more stiff and away from her body. He pulled away from her but didn't look at her. He wiped his nose as he turned around and was crushed by Tony's embrace. Abby left the room, confused as she glanced back over her shoulder at Tony hugging Gibbs.

Gibbs attempted to resist his intense rush of emotions but he failed miserably and he clung to Tony as if Tony were the only thing holding him to the planet. He cried into Tony's shoulder as Tony rubbed his back soothingly. He cried tears of joy and tears of fear.

Once Jethro had calmed down he pulled himself slowly from Tony's arms and much to his surprise, Tony's eyes were watery too.

"I…I don't know how to thank you," Gibbs choked.

"You don't have to thank me, boss. Just, please, take care of her…and yourself…" He looked worriedly at Gibbs.

"I don't know what to do…I've been married four times and I'm at a loss here. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I make a move? Do I kiss her? Do I hug her? What am I supposed to do?" Gibbs voiced cracked slightly.

"If I were you, which I'm not because I'm much better looking and my hair isn't…,SILVER…*ahem*…I'd call Abby back up her and kiss the hell out of her. I'd make her knees go weak so that I'd have to practically hold her up completely. Then, I'd take her to my New Year's party," Tony added with a wink.

Gibbs called Abby's phone and demanded she come back upstairs. He met her at the elevator.

She started rambling about something. Her words didn't even register in his head. He stopped awkwardly in front of her.

"What'd you need, Gibbs?"

"Just…just let me do this. Let me do it all. Don't move a muscle. This is all me, just don't move," he said squaring her shoulders in front of him.

His blue eyes narrowed as he stared into hers. He stepped closer to him. His heart began to race. He lowered his head towards hers and stepped closer yet. Her body was a mere inch from his. The tip of his nose brushed against hers softly and she could feel his warm breath on her lips.


	10. I love her and that's the beginning

Gibbs raised his shaking hands to her neck and cupped her face tenderly. He leaned in slowly and stopped short to meet her gaze.

"I love you," he breathed

"I love you," she whispered back.

"Say it again," he smiled.

"I love you. I love you. I love-"her words were cut off by Jethro's mouth consuming hers.

The kiss was rough at first but slowed. He pulled her as close as he could to him and she wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers in his silver hair. He smiled against her lips. He pulled his lips away from hers and embraced her tightly and he looked up at the ceiling. His eyes were watery and his smile stretched from ear to ear.

"So, what now?" She asked pulling away to meet his eyes.

"What do you mean what now?"

"Are you my boyfriend now?" She giggled.

"I'm a man, Abby," He attempted to be stern.

"Are you my man-friend?" She laughed.

"Abby, I'm supposed to ask," He shook his head, "Abby, will you be my lady-friend?"

"Of course I will!" She laughed and kissed his cheek happily.


	11. Healing is more a matter of opportunity

Six months passed and Jethro stormed into his office.

"Somebody wake up on the wrong side of the room this morning?" Ziva directed towards Gibbs.

"It's BED, Ziva. Did somebody wake up on the wrong side of the BED!" Tony chastised her.

"Shut up," Gibbs growled.

"Ohh," Tony and Ziva were taken aback.

The elevator rang and in stormed Abby.

Tony glided over to Ziva and his eyes widened at the death glare on Abby's face that was directed at Gibbs.

"Gibbs!" She yelled.

"What?" He spat.

"This is it then?!"

"Well, I guess if it's what you want then, yeah, it is!" He said, grinding his teeth.

"This isn't what I want! I want you to talk to me!" Her face was becoming red.

"I talk to you all day," His words were slow and deliberate.

"I don't want to talk about work. I want to talk about other things!"

"Like what Abby?! There isn't one god damned thing I wouldn't do for you and one god damned thing I wouldn't tell you and yet you stand here accusing me of not talking to you…in PUBLIC!" He was fuming with anger.

"You want to know what I want to talk about? What everyone in this room wants to talk about with you?"

"Oh, so now it's club?"

"This is like an episode of Jerry Springer except no flying chairs," Tony whispered to Ziva.

"Yeah, Jethro, it is a club. We all care about you. We all love you. We all want to know you but you just runaway just like you're doing now. You'll run from me when the going gets tough," The veins in her neck were sticking out.

"What in the hell do you want to talk about then?! Go on! Speak up!" He glared from Tony to Ziva to McGee to Abby and then back to Tony.

Tony recoiled like he'd struck him, "Shannon and Kelly," Abby said quietly.

Gibbs closed his eyes as if he'd just been branded with a hot coal, right over his chest. He sighed heavily and then opened his eyes and let them slowly travel to meet Abby's. They were warning and they were dangerous.

"Don't look at me that way, Jethro," She warned him.

"There's nothing to talk about," he said with finality.

"Yeah, there is. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your other marriages didn't work out because you had this gaping hole you wouldn't fill? You refuse to talk about them. It's okay to hurt, Jethro, and it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel weak. We just want to know. You say you trust us and you love us but you refuse to open up to us."

Gibbs hesitated, and exhaled sharply, "There's nothing to talk about."

"Yeah, there is," Abby said and Tony, Ziva and McGee all moved to stand behind her.


	12. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal

"Right here?" His voice cracked.

"Yes."

"Come with me," his voice was venomous now.

He dragged Abby into an interrogation room roughly.

"Why are you doing this? I would have talked to you,"

"When?! On Gibbs' time?! I don't have time for your time anymore."

"Abby, you better have a damn good reason…"

"Jethro, I'm pregnant. I fucking hope that's a good enough reason…" She spun on her heel and left the room and walked back out to her friends.

"Do you know what you're doing to him, Abby?" Ducky, who had now joined them, asked quietly.

She gazed at him, bleary eyed.

"You're asking him to rip open every wound he's spent years trying to heal,"

"He has too," She whispered.

"Why? Why right now? Why?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh, my, did you just tell Jethro this?"

Abby nodded and Ducky hurried past her into the interrogation observation room. Abby followed him.

Ducky flipped on the volume. Jethro was having a mental breakdown.

"NO! What have I done!? What did I do? I can't do this," Tears were streaming down his pain-stricken face. He was doubled over, leaning on the table with his fists.

Ducky left observation and went into the interrogation room. He grabbed Jethro roughly, slinging his right arm under his neck. Jethro was resisting but he was in too much pain. His defenses failed and he began to cry, clinging to Ducky's arm for dear life.

Jethro slid away from Ducky and sat on the table, "Abby's mine?" he cried.

"Yes, Abby's yours."

"The…the baby. The baby's mine?" He choked.

"Well, Jethro, I can't actually answer that, but I'm assuming, yes, the baby's yours," He eyed him carefully.

Jethro swiftly left the interrogation room. He didn't wipe his eyes, he wasn't hiding anything anymore.

His colleagues, his friends, turned to face him with a look of distinct sadness on their faces.

"I want you to meet my family, my previous family…" He breathed, several tears falling from his blue eyes.

"Follow me," He ordered and drove alone in his car to the cemetery where his wife and daughter were buried. Abby was riding with Ducky.

Jethro walked silently and somewhat reluctantly through the cemetery. He was weaving through the pathways and headstones. It seemed like he was taking the long way.

Then, he stopped, and peered down at two shiny markers.

"This is my wife, Shannon," he pointed to the one on his left, "And this is my…daughter….Kelly," He choked.

Gibbs struggled to regain control of his emotions, "They were murdered when…when I was away, serving in Desert Storm. They were under witness protection because Shannon'd witnessed a drug deal murder. The defendant shot the driver through the windshield while they were driving. My wife and…my Kelly, my baby girl, died in the crash." He hadn't turned to face them. Tears were slowly dripping off his nose and onto the grass.

"What did they look like?" Tony questioned.

"Shannon had uh – red hair. It was long and wavy sort of. More straight though. She had beautiful eyes. They were blue-green, but mostly blue. Her face was perfect, like porcelain. Her nose was small and straight. Kelly had brown hair. She had blue eyes. She had darker toned skin than Shannon. Her hair was real long too. It was down to her elbows. It was wavy too," Gibbs stopped talking and dug out his wallet from his pocket.

Gibbs wiped the tears away from his nose as he dug through his wallet. In the back of the pictures, the very back, he pulled out a time worn photograph. It was folded into four sections.

"Here," He didn't make eye contact but gave the picture to Tony.

The picture was of the three of them. Jethro was wearing a blue shirt and he was behind both Shannon and Kelly, with his right arm around Kelly, who was sitting on his leg in a purple robe, and his left arm behind Shannon who was wearing a white and green sweater. The picture was obviously very old, because Gibbs' hair was much shorter and his hard was darker, almost black instead of silver. His face didn't have any grief lines either.


	13. Love leaves a memory no one can steal

"What were they like?" Ducky asked quietly.

"They were quiet. Shannon was really sincere. She was sensitive. She was funny. She made me laugh, at least. Kelly was so energetic. She was cuddly too. She loved…hugs," His voice cracked. He put his hand over his mouth and shut his eyes tight.

"You still miss them everyday don't you?" McGee asked, though it was more of a statement.

"Yeah. I…I have this tape in my basement. It's Kelly playing the piano. She got second place at the talent show. I missed it… She was good. She was only 8. They sent it to me. They talked at the end of it. I still listen to it a lot. It's nice to hear them laughing," He smiled slightly.

"What's your favorite memory?" Ziva asked, her eyes were watery.

"We were horse riding at the beach. Kelly wanted to run on her horse. Shannon said no. I told her yes, and away she went. The wind blowing through her hair and she was laughing and smiling. Shannon yelled at me but then she started smiling," Gibbs was in almost a full smile now.

"Where did you meet Shannon?" She asked.

"I met her on a bench, outside of the train station in the town where we lived. I was a freshly made marine. 1976."

"When did you marry her?" Ziva again questioned.

"1982. Kelly was born two years later in 1984. They died in 1991. Kelly was so small when she was born, but she had a set of lungs on her, I'll tell you…!" He laughed.

He stared quietly down at their headstones. Abby moved up behind him.

"Say Shannon. Say her name."

"Why?"

"I want to see the look in your eyes when you say her name," She whispered softly.

Gibbs turned to face her and looked her straight in the eyes and whispered "Shannon."

"You still love her," Abby whispered back.

"It's not like we broke up-- "

"I know, Jethro, I know that's not what I was implying,"

Jethro cut her off, "No! Let me finish. Look me in the eyes when I say your name."

Abby gazed up into his eyes and in the same tone he whispered, "Abigail."

Tears formed in her eyes, "Don't ever think for a second that I don't love you, Abby. I do. You never truly stop loving someone. When you fall for someone, no matter if it's romantically or not, that piece of your heart is always theirs. Okay? I love you, Abby," His hands were placed on her shoulders, by the nape of her neck.

She nodded, "And…our baby?" She looked back into his eyes and saw the fear cloud his blue eyes.

He turned away and crouched down next to Kelly's grave. His fingers traced her name gently and affectionately. He was completely silent.


	14. I'll just leave it at 'I've been better'

Abby began to cry and walked briskly away from the group. Ducky chased after he while Ziva, Tony and McGee stood silently behind Gibbs.

"Pops, what're you thinking?" Tony asked.

"I can't do it."

"Can't do what?"

"I can't be a father again. I failed miserably. I failed to protect my wife and my daughter," He was crying again.

"You didn't fail them, Boss, it was a tragedy. It was murder. There was nothing you could do," McGee consoled him.

"Do you see these graves McGee?" Gibbs said through clenched teeth.

"Yes."

"Do you see the names on the graves?"

"Yes."

"Can you please read them?"

"Shannon Gibbs. Kelly Gibbs," Tim wasn't sure where he was going.

"GIBBS! Do you see it now, McGee!? This is my family. Do you see Leroy Jethro Gibbs next to them? No! You see me standing here. I'm still alive. I've spent years dreaming about my headstone marker being next to Kelly's. YEARS MCGEE! I should have died instead of them! I was the one in the war! I was the soldier! It was my place to die! Not theirs! They didn't do anything! This is my family and I'm here. I'm stuck here in this cursed life!" Gibbs' tears were dripped off his chin and down his neck and he had turned to face them.

"Your future just walked away from you broken-hearted. Don't tell me about how much you've hurt. Do you think you're family would want to you sit here and let the best thing that's happened to you since then walk away!? Do you think that Shannon wouldn't want you to be happy with Abby? Do you think that Kelly wouldn't want you to raise another child!? Do you think that you don't have the support system you need behind you? This isn't going to be easy. Nothing in life is easy! We're here for you; we've always been here for you. You've been here for us and now it's our turn," McGee's face was red with emotion as Tony stared at him wide-eyed and in shock.

"You don't know anything," Gibbs spat and stormed off.


	15. A test of true strength

"Abby, you're smart, you need to look at this logically," Ducky tried to soothe her.

"There is no logic. He is the father of my child. He doesn't want HIS child. That's not very logical!"

"Abby, you have to believe that somewhere inside him there is the strength to deal with this. This is all very sudden for him," He cooed.

"Strength? He's the strongest man I know. He lost his wife and his child. That takes strength to get through that…" Her tears continued to flow.

"Abby, obviously Jethro never dealt with it. It doesn't take strength to run from the pain… What he's doing now is true strength. He's doing it all for you, Abby, don't expect this to be easy for him. He's hurting now, openly. That's something he's never dealt with. He's never dealt with the death of his wife or the death his daughter. He hadn't dealt with the fact he was in love with you, until recently. He isn't dealing with the fact he has conceived a child with you. He's hurting, Abby."

"Can I stay with you, Ducky? I don't wanna stay with him…"

"We'll run to his house and get you some clothes and you can stay as long as you like…" He said wiping a tear from her eye.

"What if he's there? I don't want to see him."

"I'm fairly positive he won't be there. If he is, he won't be in our way at all, I promise you that…"

"Okay…" She sighed, struggling to settle herself down.

They drove in silence to Jethro's house. Abby went into the house alone. Ducky was right, Jethro wasn't there. She gathered several outfits and put them all into a large, black duffle bag. She looked at the nightstand on Jethro's side of the bed. There was a picture frame with a picture of her and Jethro in it at Tony's New Year's party. He was standing behind her with his right cheek pressed against her left and his arms wrapped around under her chin. They were happy.

She shook her head once and wiped a tear from her eye. She left Jethro's house and got back into Ducky's car.

"So, how far along are you dear?" Ducky asked softly.

"I went to the Doctor three days ago and he said then I was just four months."

"You haven't gained any weight, is everything alright?"

"Yes, he said it was. I went because two pregnancy tests came up positive but I wasn't gaining weight. He said that the baby is healthy and that I'll probably be gaining a lot of weight in the next month…"

"Oh, I'm sure. Do you want to found of the gender when you're able too?"

"Yes…I would like too. I…I wanted Jethro's opinion too, but…I guess it doesn't matter now. It's up to me I guess…" She started to cry again.


	16. If shame had a face, it wouldve been his

A month of awkward silences and awkward glances and avoided eye contact passed slowly. Jethro walked slowly to his desk. He gazed down onto it and the room fell even quieter. Jethro's eyes were drawn to a picture, an ultrasound. A son. His son. All of his colleagues knew the picture had been put on his desk. Abby had showed them the picture and Ducky had laid it on his desk.

"Who put this here?" He choked.

"Ducky did," Tony said, the heat from Jethro's gaze burning him.

Jethro flipped out his phone and dialed Ducky, "Doctor Mallard, would you please join me upstairs at my desk?" He clicked his phone shut.

About a minute later the elevator bell rang and Ducky stepped bravely off the elevator. Jethro rose to meet him. He stopped him in them middle of the aisle.

"Who the hell do you think you are exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who do you think you are putting an ultrasound picture on my desk?!" Jethro was livid.

"I thought you would want to see your son."

"I thought you had a life of your own to worry about,"

"You have hurt a person very near and dear to my heart, Jethro, this is my business."

"This is none of your business," He spat.

"LEROY JETHRO GIBBS DON'T YOU DARE SNAP AT ME! You're being irresponsible, unreasonable, and immature. You haven't talked to the mother of your child in a month. You need to get over yourself and start working on moving on. No, you'll never, ever stop loving who you've lost and no, you'll never stop missing them. But you can still live your life. You're an idiot if you think for a second this is the right thing to do…"

"I know what I'm doing, Doctor, thank you."

"It doesn't appear to be that way…" Ducky shouted to a fleeing Jethro.


	17. The only thing that makes sense

A little over a week later, Jethro's cell phone rang. It was Abby.

"Hey, Abs…"

"Jethro? Can I come over and get the rest of my things?" Her voice was sad and serious.

"What? No, please Abby, can you come over and let me talk?"

"Jethro, please don't make this a big deal." She hung up.

About fifteen minutes later Abby walked through Jethro's front door for the first time in over a month. Jethro looked at her long and hard. She was wearing a grey NCIS shirt and black pants. Her hair was pulled back in a single ponytail. She was really starting to show now. She'd avoided Jethro for the last month so he really didn't get to look at her.

"Please, Abby, I want to show you something…" He whispered.

She wanted to fight with him, but the look in his eyes told her not to.

"Close your eyes,"

"Jethro, I'm not in the mood for games."

"Please, Abby, humor me, maybe for the last time?"

Abby shut her eyes and Jethro led her gently by her shoulders down the hallway to a closed door. The room had been Kelly's and it had always been kept shut. He opened the door and guided Abby in a few steps.

"It smells awful," She gagged.

"It's just paint, open your eyes," He said.

Abby opened her eyes and her hands went immediately to her mouth. The room was painted dark blue on the bottom half of the wall and light blue on the top. The colors were separated by a thick white strip of paper that had little handprints on it in different shades of blue. There was a crib in the corner, a changing table next to it, a baby lamp, blue curtains and above the crib there was a picture frame. Abby walked slowly to the crib and looked at the frame. It was the ultrasound picture. Abby was crying heavily now.

"Abby, I know that I've been anything but appropriate about this whole situation. I know that I should have been more respectful to you and how you were feeling about this whole thing. I just, I need you to know how…how hard this is on me. I guess you all were right; I'm afraid. I'm afraid to put my guard down. I'm afraid that if you know who I really am, you won't feel the same. And I'm afraid that once my barrier is defeated and I'm comfortable, you'll walk away. You make me nervous Abby; I guess that makes you different from all the rest. You are the only thing that makes sense. I couldn't imagine myself being with anyone except you. I couldn't imagine myself raising a baby with anyone but you. You are the only thing that will get me through this. It isn't going to be easy Abby and I'm not always going to be happy and nice, I can tell you that right now. The only thing I can tell you is to believe in me. Believe in me and what I'm saying right now. I love you. I love our son. I want you, only you, forever. A man is only as good as what he loves."

Abby walked cautiously over to him. She slowly slipped her arms under his and wrapped them around his back. She stepped close to his chest and cried into his collar bone. Jethro wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close to him. He cried too. After a few minutes of holding each other, Abby walked away, back over to the crib. Jethro walked up behind her and slipped his hands under her arms. He placed his hands on the bottom of her growing belly and kissed her cheek. She could feel his face was wet from crying.

"You and I are going to be okay, you know that, right? We're going to be okay."

"I hope so," She whispered and turned to face him.

"I'm sorry,"

"I know how sorry you are Jethro, I'm just…I'm not sure if sorry is enough. I…I need you to prove it to me. I can't go on like this wondering if you're unstable. I can't take your word for it anymore…" She kissed his lips quickly and left.


	18. A scare in the lab

Gibbs headed down to Abby's lab the next day to see if she had any updates for him about the most recent case; a dead marine hanging from a tree.

"Abs? Anything?" He questioned her as she stood with her back facing him looking at her computer screen.

"No…I…I don't know," She stumbled over her words, it was unlike Abby.

"Abby?" He questioned as he moved next to her, placing his left hand on her right shoulder blade. She was very pale.

"Abby! Are you alright?" He questioned; worry growing inside him.

"I don't know… I don't…I don't really feel too good. It hurts."

"What hurts?"

"I don't know."

"Abby, what hurts?"

"I--" She collapsed but Gibbs caught her.

"Abby?!" He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to Ducky's lab.

"Ducky!" He yelled.

"Jethro! What happened!?"

"I don't know she was just really pale. She said something hurts but she didn't say what and then she just…collapsed!" There was a distinct fear in his voice.

"Call a squad!"

The medics got Abby situated into the ambulance and Jethro hopped inside.

"Who are you?"

"Her boyfriend."

"Sorry, sir, only direct relatives."

"I'm the baby's father!" He warned.


	19. So, here I am, I'm trying

"What's wrong with her?" A brotherly Tony asked Abby's doctor about an hour and a half later.

The Doctor gazed back through the window of Abby's room at her.

"I can't fix a broken heart. She's depressed. She wasn't eating right and when she was eating she wasn't eating enough."

"Is…is she going to be okay?" He choked, worried about his friend.

"She will be fine. We're giving her fluids and we're giving her nutrients through the IV's. I want to keep her overnight for observation."

"And the baby?"

"The baby's fine. It's mom that pays because the body will feed the child first."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Oh, and one more thing, if I were you…I'd have a little talk with the baby's father. He's really messed up, Mr. DiNozzo. I can see there is a story behind all this pain between the two of them and I can see he wants it to end… You have to be straight with him, but go easy on him. He really loves her," The doctor turned and walked away.

"Gibbs?" Tony said as he opened the door slightly.

Gibbs looked up at him, "What?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"I'm not leaving her, Tony," He stated firmly.

"We need to talk."

"DiNozzo, are you deaf?"

"I don't want to wake her up; can we just get some coffee or something?"

Abby moaned from the conversation, "Go away."

"Abby, I'll be right back, Tony's being an ass," He kissed her forehead and left the room, glaring at Tony the entire way.

"Do you really love her, Gibbs?" Tony questioned him as they bought their coffee.

"Yes."

"Then what the hell are you doing?"

"What the hell am I doing?" Gibbs glared at him.

"Look, I know that you love her. I can see it in your eyes. I know you love that baby too, I can see that too. I'm not blind, and I'm not stupid. I love Abby, too, Boss? She's like a sister to me, alright? And you're hurting her and it's pissing me off. I want you to fix this and fix this fast. I want to help you; we all want to help you. Please, let us help. You can't do everything by yourself anymore. It's like you've always told us, our team…this team, we're family," Tony's eyes were somber as he stared into the grey eyes that had so often struck fear in him.

Gibbs looked deeply into Tony's face, "You're right," He nodded and looked away.

"I am?" Tony nearly choked on his coffee.

"Yes. I need help… I can't do this by myself. I'm scared all the time. I love her. I love my son. I love my team. You are my family. I need my family," Jethro took a sip of his coffee, glancing up at Tony briefly.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to marry her," Gibbs looked at him, stars shining behind his eyes.

"Then marry her," Tony looked at her.

"Tony, don't tempt me now, I'd go by a ring right now, right this second. I would, I swear I would,"

"You can't right now. You have to get it back. You have to get it back to the way it was before the pregnancy and before everything fell apart," Tony nodded at him and Gibbs half smiled.

"I love her, Tony,"

"I know, Boss," Tony patted him on the shoulder gently.

"I want to buy her some flowers; can you stay with her for a while?" Gibbs looked at him carefully.

"Yeah, I'll stay with her," He gave Gibbs a small smile and watched him walk off.

About an hour later Tony looked up and saw Gibbs standing at the door. He had a dozen black roses and what appeared to be a dozen red roses, too. Tony raised an eyebrow at him and he walked out of the room.

"Boss, red?" Tony looked down at the flowers.

"Watch and learn, Tony," Gibbs winked at him.

Tony watched Gibbs as he entered the room.

Gibbs moved swiftly and quietly as he filled up a clear vase half way with water. He gently and deliberately placed the roses in alternating colors. He then pulled out what appeared to be a handwritten letter, folded it in thirds, and then he placed it against the vase. He wheeled the vase on the tray closer to Abby so that it was within arms length. He walked quietly out of the room.

"Abby!" He said loudly and glanced over his shoulder and saw her waking up. She had been curled on her side, facing the flowers.

"This way, Tony," Jethro said softly. He sat in the waiting room and pulled out his phone.

"Hey, aren't you gonna wait for her to read it? Don't you want to be in there?" Tony looked at him, clearly confused.

"I am waiting," Jethro said nodding towards his phone.

"I don't get it, why wouldn't you want to be in there when she sees all that?"

"Because my letter gave her a choice," Jethro said.

"What? You gave her a choice? I don't understand?" Tony was looking oddly at Jethro and Jethro smiled.

"I told her everything that is inside of me. I told her how much I love her and how badly I want to fix this. I told her that if she takes me back she will never have to doubt me. I said that if she wants me back, to call me. I told her that even if she doesn't want me back that I will be there for my son," Jethro said, looking Tony in the eyes.

"You're serious? You, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, just poured your heart out…in a letter?"

"Yes," Gibbs chuckled at this thought.

"Alright, Nicholas Sparks," Tony shook his head, still in shock.

A few seconds later, Gibbs' phone rang.

"Hello?" Tony noticed the nervousness in his voice. He looked at Gibbs. Gibbs' eyes were closed, as if he were praying.

"I love you, too," Gibbs choked on these words as he hung up the phone.

He didn't look at Tony and he walked back to Abby's room.

Tony watched in amazement as Gibbs strode over to Abby and kissed her lips softly.

"I love you, Abigail. I love you so much," He leaned his forehead against hers gently.


End file.
